The combination of Rory’s graduation, Logan’s imminent proposal and her recent public singing to Luke has Lorelai all worked up. Liz teases Luke about Lorelai’s serenade and asks him what he’s done in response. He hasn’t done anything. He buys a pair of Liz’s earrings for Rory as a graduation present, and a necklace Liz is convinced he’s actually going to give to Lorelai. Lorelai goes to the diner and Luke comes downstairs just in time to hear her telling Patty and Babette that the song didn’t mean anything. Luke starts acting all cold and weird and Lorelai can’t figure out why.

The whole town of Stars Hollow is upset that they don’t get to see Rory graduate because she only gets four tickets. They talk Lorelai into planning a reenactment of the graduation. Emily and Richard throw Rory a graduation party and sing a song for her. Then Logan gets up in front of everyone and proposes to Rory. She doesn’t really know how to react and says she wants to talk to him outside. She tells him she has to think about it. Lorelai runs into Luke later that night and tells him about the proposal, and they end up snapping at each other about “some people” never being ready for marriage.

At Rory’s graduation, Emily is a big crab and can’t stop hounding Lorelai about what Rory is going to tell Logan. But all is well when Rory is handed her diploma and there are tears and applause all around. Afterward, Rory sees Logan and says she can’t marry him. She loves him but she doesn’t want to tie herself to California. She says she wants to try long distance, but Logan doesn’t want to do that. He says it’s all or nothing, and Rory gives him back his ring. Oh, Logan. I totally would have married you.

Meanwhile, Kirk has put himself in a Lucite box in the town square just to see how long he can stand it.

Taylor: Bathroom safety is a serious business.

Richard, about Bill Clinton: I wonder if he records books on tape. [This is funny because Edward Hermann, who plays Richard, records books on tape.]

Lorelai goes to the diner for the first time since she and Luke broke up. Patty and Babette say they’re happy to see her back, and Kirk tells her she can’t have her stool back. Luke and Lorelai have an awkward conversation about the weather and Lorelai takes her coffee to go.

Lorelai’s Jeep breaks down and Gypsy says it’s unfixable. Lorelai calls Luke and asks him to help her pick out a new car. It’s still incredibly awkward because they’re trying so hard to be polite to each other. Lorelai doesn’t like any of the cars Luke suggests and Luke starts getting annoyed. Luke finds a Jeep that’s exactly like her old one and when she still doesn’t like it, they start arguing. After that, things start to flow better. Luke comes over later and says he found a 1999 Jeep Wrangler and test drove it, so if she wants to keep her old car, she should buy this one and have Gypsy switch the engines.

Sookie’s kids have chicken pox, but Jackson has never had them so Lorelai offers to let him stay at her house until the kids are better. Sookie is worried that Jackson is going to annoy Lorelai, and she’s surprised when Lorelai says she and Jackson had fun and he didn’t bother her at all. Then Jackson calls Sookie and says he broke Lorelai’s dollhouse. Sookie is really mean to him, and Jackson says he wishes she could forgive him for lying to her about his vasectomy and then getting her pregnant. Sookie says she doesn’t want to be mad and she’ll try to move on. When Lorelai gets home from car shopping, Sookie and Jackson are sitting on her porch. They tell her about the dollhouse.

Paris has gotten responses from medical schools. She’s gotten into Yale Law and Harvard Medical, and she doesn’t know how to choose. She’s also gotten into UPenn, Columbia and Stanford and she’s freaking out about the decision. Paris breaks up with Doyle because she doesn’t want to base her decision on a guy. Paris and Rory go out with Lucy and Olivia, and Paris gets drunk and starts talking about how much she misses Doyle. Doyle comes back to the apartment later and says he’s not moving out and he’s not breaking up. He says he’ll go wherever she goes.

Rory finally gets a letter from the New York Times. She didn’t get the fellowship.

Luke: Sedans aren’t afraid to get dirty!

Lorelai provides breakfast for all the construction guys, which annoys Luke. Lorelai is letting TJ think he’s the contractor, and Tom goes around behind him telling everyone not to listen to him. Luke wants to tell him the truth but Lorelai insists. TJ finally figures it out after talking to a contractor friend of his. He gets mad and quits.

Rory is doing well on her community service and she’s pretty much taken over as supervisor. She’s also kicking ass at the DAR. Logan comes back from a trip to Europe and takes Rory out to dinner. He seems bored with her stories about the world of community service, but assures her he’s not. Rory meets Logan at Yale the next morning and kind of smiles when she sees the new freshmen on their tour. Then she goes to her DAR induction thing and looks all depressed.

Sookie asks Lorelai when she and Luke are going to get married and she’s upset that they haven’t set a date yet. Lorelai tells Luke she doesn’t want to set a wedding date until things are right with Rory. How she plans to make things right when she won’t even talk to her is beyond me.

Paris is driving Lorelai crazy. She’s coming to the Dragonfly twice a week to chat, and Sookie and Michel hate her. They convince Lorelai to cut Paris off. Paris calls Rory, acting like Rory is still going to move into the off campus apartment she and Doyle are renting. The next time she goes to lunch at the Dragonfly, she mentions calling Rory at her office. Lorelai freaks out about Rory having an office, and Paris gets it into her head that Lorelai only wants to have lunch with her to get information about Rory. Lorelai assures her that’s not true and insists she loves their lunches.

Hep Alien has been on their Seventh Day Adventist tour and they’re now heading home. They’ve been starving themselves the whole time due to lack of funds. They’re all exhausted. On the ride home, Lane tells them she’s been saving money this whole time and they’ve come out of the tour with nine thousand dollars. The guys are pissed that they’ve been starving for two months, but they’re excited about the prospect of recording.

A group is coming into the Dragonfly in the middle of the night, so Lorelai asks Luke to watch Paul Anka while she’s at the inn. The dog gets into the trash and eats some chocolate, and Luke freaks out and takes him to the vet’s house.

Gil: If that pretentious little snot from Coldplay can walk around comparing himself to Bono, we can compare ourselves to the Foo Fighters.

Terrance, Paris’ life coach, tries to get Paris to get over Asher and meet some guys. She decides to try speed dating. Doyle is there, too, and he and Paris start talking and Paris won’t move on when the bell dings.

Headmaster Charleston calls Rory and asks her to help him out. A Chilton student named Anna wants to go to Yale, and Charleston wants Rory to show her around. Rory wants to show Anna all kinds of things that are really boring, but Lorelai says maybe she should show her something fun. Rory insists on showing her nothing fun at all, and they run into Logan at the library. He also thinks Anna should do something fun while she’s at Yale.

The next day, Logan and Colin barge into one of Rory’s classes and start acting like they’re fighting over her. Then Finn comes in wearing a cop’s uniform and asks Rory to give the boys their balls back. Rory is mortified. Anna thinks it’s awesome. Back in the suite, Rory tries to tell Anna that college isn’t just about freedom and fun, but then Doyle comes out of Paris’ bedroom wearing nothing but a robe.

Rory sends Anna to the “fro-yo” social while she yells at Logan, but Anna never shows up at the social. Rory calls Marty to help her look. While they’re looking for Anna, Rory starts yapping about how upset she is that Logan is “coming after her” and won’t leave her alone. Marty tells her it’s obvious that Logan likes her and to stop being so naïve because it’s annoying. Major points for Marty. Then Headmaster Charleston calls and says Anna’s parents were called when the cops broke up a party.

Miss Patty invites Lorelai to a party to celebrate all her years in show business. Lorelai says she’ll come and bring Luke, but Miss Patty says the party is going to be on Luke’s dark day, the day he disappears every year. Lorelai doesn’t know anything about it, and when she asks him about the party, he says he can’t go because he’s going out of town on business.

Luke has been storing his father’s boat in some little old lady’s garage, but now the lady is moving into a nursing home and she needs him to move the boat. Lorelai is driving home and sees him yelling at the lady. He says he wants her to just scrap the thing. Lorelai takes him back to the diner and he tells her the next day is the anniversary of his dad’s death. Lorelai tries to get him to reconsider getting rid of the boat, but he says it would be better if it was gone. So Lorelai takes it and puts it in her own garage. Luke is pissed when he finds out and he yells at Lorelai for butting in. He comes by Patty’s party later and apologizes for flying off the handle.

Richard comes to Yale and tells Logan he heard about how he professed his love for Rory in the middle of class. He says he and Logan’s father have been talking and they’re finalizing the plans for his engagement to Rory. Logan looks stunned when Richard welcomes him to the family. Richard meets Rory around the corner and they walk away laughing.

Lorelai, to Luke: You’re like Willy Wonka but hotter.

Everyone at the Yale Daily News is talking about what they did all summer with internships and stuff, and of course Rory freaks out about how she hasn’t done enough for her career. Doyle, the editor, gives everyone their assignments for the year and Rory is happy to get the features beat. Logan shows up and Doyle kisses his ass and tells Rory it’s because Logan is the son of Mitchum Huntzberger, the newspaper magnate.

Rory (who is supposed to be some kind of genius, right?) decides the best article idea she can come up with is about illegal music downloading. While interviewing this weird guy who I guess downloads a ton of music, she realizes it’s a dead end. She takes a break and goes into a bathroom. Some girl walks in wearing a gorilla mask and a ball gown. Rory follows her outside, where the girl says something in Latin and then gets in a black SUV. Rory does some research and finds out the Latin phrase is the motto for a secret society at Yale. It’s called the Life and Death Brigade and nobody is really sure if it actually exists. During the course of her research, Rory finds out Logan’s grandfather was in the society. She finds him one day and asks him about it. He denies any knowledge, but she says she has proof his grandfather was in it, which should mean he’s in it. He still denies it, but the next day, he sends her an instant message telling her he’ll let her in on the scoop.

Christopher calls Lorelai and says GG won’t stop crying and Sherry isn’t home and he doesn’t know what to do. Lorelai races all the way to Boston to help out. She puts the kid in her crib and then turns it around to face the wall so GG can’t see them. GG calms down and Chris says Sherry has left him and gone to Paris. He thinks he can’t raise GG alone, but Lorelai says he can and he will because he has to.

Norman Mailer is at the Dragonfly. Someone is interviewing him, and he and his interviewer sit in the dining room for hours ordering nothing but iced tea, which annoys Sookie to no end. Sookie is really irritated when the Dragonfly’s financial adviser says Sookie should drop lunch temporarily because it’s not making any money. Lorelai asks what her problem is, but Sookie is just crabby.

The Gilmore Girls show up for Friday night dinner and the maid says Richard and Emily aren’t there. Emily is at some function and Richard is out of town. Lorelai decides they should order pizza and eat it on the floor in the living room. Lorelai tells Rory about Christopher and says she plans to go back and help him on Monday. Rory goes to Christopher’s a few days later and tells him she doesn’t want him to call Lorelai anymore because she’s in a relationship now and she doesn’t want him to mess it up.

Luke calls Lorelai and says Kirk is dressed as a hot dog and he’s standing in front of the diner handing out flyers for lunch at the Dragonfly. It’s all Sookie’s doing. Lorelai goes back to the inn and tells Sookie there’s no more lunch. Sookie goes into the dining room and yells at Norman Mailer, telling him it’s all his fault. Lorelai drags her away and Sookie says she doesn’t know why she’s freaking out. Suddenly, she realizes she’s pregnant. She runs back out to the dining room and tells Norman Mailer.

Lorelai goes to Luke’s later and he’s crabby because a couple of guys are sitting around ordering nothing but iced tea.

Lorelai, to Rory: You were behind at Chilton. Remember? And then you hit a deer and everything was fine.

Janet is going to Florida for spring break. She invites Paris and Rory, but they’re going to stay on campus and stage a protest, something about Burmese prisoners. They set up their table in the courtyard, but it’s freezing and nobody is signing their petition anyway because everyone is on spring break. When it starts raining, Paris and Rory run inside and get under their covers. They decide to go to Florida after all.

Luke is crabby. He tells Lorelai it’s because he’s not wearing his own socks. He spent the night at Nicole’s, and when he got up in the morning and got some socks out of the drawer, he realized the socks were someone else’s. He calls Lorelai one night and asks her to come pick him up because he’s in jail. He waited outside his and Nicole’s place until she rolled up in some guy’s car. After she and the guy went inside, Luke kicked the guy’s car over and over again until a cop showed up and hauled him away.

Jason gives Lorelai a key to his apartment and she makes sure the conversation is as awkward as possible because I guess she doesn’t understand the significance of the key. He later tells her that they’re at a point in their relationship where he usually breaks it off, but he doesn’t want to break up with her and in fact he wants to see more of her.

Paris throws a lot of money around in Florida and manages to get a tent on the beach with chairs and refreshments. Madeline and Louise (who, let’s face it, always belonged in Florida on a perpetual spring break) show up. They’ve been on spring break for a month and they’ve realized they can get all kinds of free stuff from guys if they make out with each other. They take Paris and Rory to a club, and Paris wants to know why everyone else is having more fun than they are. Paris wants to have a real spring break, so she kisses Rory and then asks how good a kisser she is.

The girls get drunk together later, and Madeline goes through Rory’s phone and calls Dean. So Rory leaves him a drunken message and then hangs up. Later that night, Paris and Rory sit on the beach and realize they’ve had about as much fun as they can stand. They decide to use some of Paris’ frequent flyer miles to go home early.

Some girl: Is it raining?

Paris: No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.

Rory and Paris participate in a Yale Daily News tradition: while the current newspaper staff works on getting the paper out, the potential staffers wait on them while wearing silly newspaper hats. Paris takes off after she gets a phone call and never comes back. She comes back to the dorm really late and makes a lot of noise to make sure she wakes up Rory. She tries to get Rory to ask her what she was doing, but Rory yells at her and says she doesn’t want to know. She’s been ignoring the thing going on with Asher and Paris because it grosses her out. She’s really uncomfortable when she finds out Asher is teaching one of her courses this semester.

Lorelai and Michel go to Sookie’s to talk about inn stuff, and Tobin is there. He’s Davie’s nanny. Michel, who hates Tobin and always feels jealous of him, offers to babysit one night. He calls Lorelai in a panic because Davie rolled under the bed and Michel can’t get him out. After Lorelai helps him, he says he hates Tobin. Lorelai tells him he doesn’t have to be jealous of Tobin.

Lorelai spends the night at Jason’s for the first time, and he asks her to sleep in the guest bedroom. He says it’s because he’s a really light sleeper and can’t sleep with someone else in the bed, but Lorelai thinks it’s an excuse to get her to leave. He manages to convince her when he shows her the coolest freaking bedroom I have ever seen. They talk the next morning and Lorelai says she doesn’t want to tell her parents about their relationship. Jason is reluctant and wants to tell them, but Lorelai is adamant.

Lorelai shows up for Friday night dinner and finds the historical society giving a walking tour of the house. During dinner, Emily talks about a function they went to the night before and she mentions Jason’s date. Lorelai is a little upset. Jason says he would rather have taken Lorelai and he wants to take her to future functions, but Lorelai says no way, she’d rather be jealous than tell her parents she’s dating him.

Paris: I smell like pipe tobacco.

Rory: Ah, jeez.

Other notes: Luke has hired Lane to work at the diner and he’s worried because she’s so good. He thinks she’ll get bored and want to quit.

Luke is surprisingly chipper one morning. It’s because he finally hired some help, a kid named Brendon. Brendon is awful and gross and stupid. Lorelai tries to tell Luke that he’s no good, but he doesn’t listen until he sees a line of people trying to get into Weston’s Bakery. They tell him they’re not eating at the diner anymore because of Brendon.

Jason is still sending Lorelai flowers and candy and trying to get her to go out with him. Rory says she should just go and see what happens, but Lorelai isn’t sure.

Richard comes to Yale and has lunch with Rory and Paris. Professor Asher Fleming comes by to say hello. He’s kind of a big deal and Paris is really excited to meet him. Richard and Emily are going to the Harvard-Yale football game and they invite Rory. Lorelai wants to go so she can hang out with Rory, so Emily and Richard have to disinvite someone. Lorelai shows up wearing red and her parents are horrified. Emily makes her put on her jacket and scarf. They all go and salute Dan, the original Yale mascot. Richard says it’s time to move on because they’re tailgating, which to the Gilmores consists of an RV with servants and bloody Marys.

Pennilyn Lott, the woman Richard was engaged to when Emily stole him away, comes by and says hello. Lorelai is retarded and calls her “my almost mommy.” She sees her again later outside the ladies room, and Pennilyn says she heard Lorelai was opening an inn. Emily overhears and then goes back to the RV and asks Richard how Pennilyn would know about the inn. Richard says he’s been having lunch with Pennilyn once a year for the last thirty-nine years. Emily yells and blames Lorelai because she spoke to Pennilyn. And instead of understanding that Emily is upset and maybe needs a minute to come to grips with the situation, she decides to get revenge: she calls Jason and says she’ll go out with him.

Jason takes Lorelai to a super fancy place where famous people go, and Lorelai is disappointed that Jason requested a private room where they can’t see all the famous people. He doesn’t know how to handle the situation, so he says they should just go. In the car, they realize they’re starving. Lorelai directs Jason to a drive-thru, but he says he doesn’t like Mexican food. They end up at a supermarket and eat at a table outside the store.

That night, Rory sees Paris making out with Asher Fleming.

Paris, to Richard: You are a honey-tongued devil, aren’t you, Dick?

Emily is crabby when she tells the Girls about the Atlantic City trip. Jason gets Richard set up with a wireless internet network, and Richard walks around the house with his laptop, totally amazed that he’s on the internet everywhere he goes. Jason is still trying to get Lorelai to go to dinner with him.

Rory is trying for a spot with the Yale Daily News. A review she writes of a chamber music recital doesn’t get printed and she freaks out. Doyle, the editor, tells her it’s because she’s trying too hard to be nice and what she really thinks is coming through. So she goes to a ballet recital and writes a scathing review. It gets published, but the ballerina hates her and writes “DIE JERK” on Rory’s suite’s door. She screams at Rory in front of everyone in the dining hall. Lorelai thinks it was too harsh, but Emily and Richard love it.

Lorelai and Michel go to Sookie’s to have a meeting about the Dragonfly, but Michel isn’t allowed to come inside because he sneezed five days ago and Sookie is afraid he’ll get Davie sick. Bruce the midwife is still there and she yells at Lorelai for babytalking Davie.

Mrs. Kim gives Lane a jug to send to Dave. Lane gets panicky because her mother once told her that jug is the “marriage jug” that she’s going to give to Lane’s husband one day. She tells her she can’t send it, and Mrs. Kim tells her it’s just a jug and she lied to Lane about it when she was a kid so she would stop crying or something.

Lorelai goes to the diner and acts all awkward and weird when she sees Nicole there. Why the hell can’t the Gilmore Girls just act like regular people? Why are they so awkward? Lorelai pretty much runs away from the diner, but goes back later and asks Luke what’s going on. She says she thinks it’s weird that he and Nicole are dating. They have a fight and Lorelai storms off in a huff.

Janet, to Rory: Made anyone mad lately?

Paris: Oh, please. That would be like Dorothy pissing off the Tin Man.

Richard: Emily, I’m going to Google you.

Emily: You most certainly are not going to Google me!

Richard and Jason sign the documents that make their partnership official and Emily starts planning a launch party for the company. She calls Sookie and asks her to cater the party, and of course Sookie mentions the catering company she and Lorelai started. Kirk is looking for a caterer as well. His brother’s ex-wife, Lulu, is coming to town for a visit and he wants Lorelai’s help getting ready for his date. She gives him some advice about what to wear and tells him to take Lulu somewhere comfortable. Kirk chooses Luke’s. He sets up a video camera and does a taped rehearsal the day before the date. He’s surprised when the date goes well.

Paris is fighting with Jamie, Janet has a squeaky trampoline and Tana watches television too loud, so Rory is having trouble studying. She goes outside and finds a super special tree with that “studying vibe” and calls her mom to tell her all about it. A few days later, there’s a guy sitting under it and Rory demands her tree back. She goes back a few days later and gives the guy twenty dollars for the tree. Now just think about that. You’re sitting outside and some strange girl in a horrible green suede skirt comes up to you and tells you you’re sitting under her tree. How would you even respond to such a thing?

Emily is mad that Lorelai never told her about the catering company. After Emily lays on the guilt for a while, Lorelai insists that she and Sookie be treated like any other company she would hire. Emily makes them do a trial run and use the servants’ entrance. She gets really far into the planning, but then Jason says he’s planned a trip to Atlantic City. Emily has to cancel the party, and she goes to Lorelai and says she’ll reimburse her and Sookie because they won’t be able to use them. Lorelai starts yelling because she thinks Emily just put her through a bunch of crap for no reason, but Emily kind of starts tearing up. She tells Lorelai that Jason changed the plans and now she feels old and obsolete.

Lorelai goes to Richard’s office and yells at Jason for making Emily feel like crap. They argue for a while, and then Jason asks her to have dinner with him. She manages to forget how mad she is when he says Emily would hate it if they dated. She doesn’t say yes, but you know she’s going to. A cute boy can make you forget all about your mother’s hurt feelings.

Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me?

Luke: In an acting class.